Smesne vesti iz sveta

[Thanatos]

Ponedeljak 12. jun 2006. Izvor: Večernji list
Kobasicom ubio ženu

Nemačka policija uhapsila je muškarca osumnjičenog da je kobasicom ubio ženu.

Prema izveštaju tužilaštva i policije, 50-godišnjak je uhapšen nakon što je mrtva žena pronaðena u stanu u gradu Zvikau na istoku Nemačke. Žena se ugušila kobasicom ''bokvurst'' koja je, inače, u Nemačkoj vrlo popularna.

U tužilaštvu tvrde da je uhapšeni muškarac priznao da je ženi ''dao'' kobasicu, ali još uvek se istražuje kako je došlo do tragičnog dogaðaja.

[strangelove]

Libervil -- Protestantski sveštenik iz Crkve prosvećenja utopio se na plaži u Libervilu dok je pokušavao da poput Isusa Hrista hoda po vodi.

Sveštenik, poreklom iz Kameruna, nameravao je da pređe uski zaliv u koji se uliva reka Komo, koji turistički brodovi prelaze za dvadesetak minuta. "U želji da savlada more koje je obično nemilosrdno prema onima koji mu prkose, Božji sluga jednostavno je nestao u prisustvu snimatelja koga je poveo da ovekoveči njegovo čudo, kao i nekolicine vernika kojima je obećao ozdravljenje", pišu novine.

Pentekostalne crkve, često nadahnute američkim crkvama, sve su popularnije u Gabonu, državi u kojoj živi oko 1,3 miliona ljudi, i sada imaju oko hiljadu zvanično registrovanih sledbenika. Sveštenici tih crkava najčešće vernicima obećavaju uspeh u ljubavi i na poslu, zdravlje i bogatstvo.

Neki od njih, kao nesrećnik koji se utopio, tvrde da mogu izvesti čuda koja je radio Isus i obećavaju vernicima izlečenje od svih bolesti - od gripa do side.

[strangelove]

1. "Ne bih htjela zivjeti vjecno, jer ne bismo smjeli zivjeti vjecno, jer da trebamo zivjeti vjecno mi bi zivjeli vjecno, ali mi ne mozemo zivjeti vjecno i ja zato ne bih htjela zivjeti vjecno."
(Miss Alabame na natjecaju za Miss Amerike 1994. odgovara na pitanje o mogucnosti vjecnog zivota.)

2. "Kad god vidim tu jadnu izgladnjelu djecu na televiziji, jednostavno zaplacem. Mislim, voljela bih biti tako mrsava, ali bez tih silnih muha, smrti i slicnih stvari."
(Mariah Carrey)

3. "Istrazivanja su pokazala da cokolada u mozgu proizvodi reakcije slicne onima koje izaziva marihuana. Istrazivaci su takoder dokazali i jos neke slicnosti, ali ih se trenutno ne mogu sjetiti."
(novinar Mat Lauer u NBC Today Show)

4. "Nisam pocinio nikakav zlocin. Samo nisam uspio postupiti u skladu sa zakonom."
(David Dinkins, vijecnik u New York Cityu, na raspravi o utaji poreza)

5. "Pusenje ubija. Ako vas ubije, gubite bitan dio svog zivota."
(Brooke Shields, tijekom pregovora o angazmanu za glasnogovornicu anti-pusacke kampanje na nacionalnoj razini)

6. "Okrenut cemo ovu momcad za 360 stupnjeva."
(Jason Kidd, prilikom prelaska u Dallas Mavrickse)

7. "Nece nama neki novinari preturati po dokumentima. Mi smo predsjednik.
(Hillary Clinton)

8. "Kina je velika zemlja, nastanjena velikim brojem Kineza."
(guest star Charles De Gaule, bivsi francuski predsjednik)

9. "Ako izuzmemo ubojstva, Washington ima jednu od najnizih stopa kriminala u zemlji."
(Marion Barry, gradonacelnik Washingtona)

10. "Ne skodi zagadenje nasem okolisu. Necistoce u zraku i vodi to cine."
(Dan Quayle, bivsi americki potpredsjednik)

[Truman]

Mislim da je to izaslo u nekom casopisu... Moj favorit je Maraja Keri, pod 2. :lol:

[propasto]

Vesti iz sveta  /  Smesno iz sveta

Zeleo bih da se izvinim ljudima koji ne govore engleski, ujedno molio bih citace da ne dostavljaju nikakve poruke, hvala

toppun.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWCATS&Category=27

How many George Bushes does it take to change a lightbulb?
2 , 1 to change it and 1 to lethally inject the old lightbulb

What happens when you cross James Dean with George Bush?
You get a rebel without a clue.

"Unfairly but truthfully, our party has been tagged as being against things -- anti-immigrant, for example."

"I have learned from mistakes I may or may not have made."

"People make suggestions on what to say all the time. I'll give you an example; I don't read what's handed to me. People say, 'Here, here's your speech, or here's an idea for a speech.' They're changed. Trust me."-Interview with the New York Times, March 15, 2000

the list goes on and on and on.....and on


innocentenglish.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/funny-church-sign.jpg
innocentenglish.com/funny-bloopers-mistakes-quotes/funniest-bushisms.html


nekoliko sa youtube:
irregulartimes.com/lie.html
youtube.com/watch?v=Pa3J-L29iT8 (inace uzeto sa Late Show with David Letterman)
youtube.com/watch?v=Fze2J2Ve9is
youtube.com/watch?v=d_vv12NSSZ4
youtube.com/watch?v=a30rJQbDDno
youtube.com/watch?v=whhbPVrb5KM


The 50 Dumbest Things President Bush Said in His First Term
50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." —at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." —Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001
48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
47. "We both use Colgate toothpaste." —after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001
46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004 (Watch video)
45. "I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003
44. "I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." —as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War
43. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." —Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001
42. "The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." —Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003
41. "I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004
40. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." —discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, as quoted by Robertson
39. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 (Watch video)
38. "Haven't we already given money to rich people? Why are we going to do it again?" —to economic advisers discussing a second round of tax cuts, as quoted by former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neil, Washington, D.C., Nov. 26, 2002
37. "We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." —Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002
36. "After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" —Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004 (Watch video)
35. "Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
34. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."  —as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002
33. "I got to know Ken Lay when he was head of the — what they call the Governor's Business Council in Texas. He was a supporter of Ann Richards in my run in 1994. And she had named him the head of the Governor's Business Council. And I decided to leave him in place, just for the sake of continuity. And that's when I first got to know Ken and worked with Ken." —attempting to distance himself from his biggest political patron, Enron Chairman Ken Lay, whom he nicknamed "Kenny Boy," Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2002
32. "It is white." —after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001
31. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." —at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001
30. "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001
29. "I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army." —during a Dec. 2002 Oval Office meeting with Rep. Tom Lantos, as reported by the New York Times
28. "You forgot Poland." —to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland's contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004
27. "I'm the master of low expectations." —aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003
26. "I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things." —aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003
25. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right." —Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001
24. "We need to counter the shockwave of the evildoer by having individual rate cuts accelerated and by thinking about tax rebates." —Washington, D.C. Oct. 4, 2001
23. "People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002
22. "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet….I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." —President George W. Bush, after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004
21. "The really rich people figure out how to dodge taxes anyway." —explaining why high taxes on the rich are a failed strategy, Annandale, Va., Aug. 9, 2004
20. "My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire."  —radio address, Feb. 24, 2001
19. "You know, when I was one time campaigning in Chicago, a reporter said, 'Would you ever have a deficit?' I said, 'I can't imagine it, but there would be one if we had a war, or a national emergency, or a recession.' Never did I dream we'd get the trifecta." —Houston, Texas, June 14, 2002 (There is no evidence Bush ever made any such statement, despite recounting the trifecta line repeatedly in 2002. A search by the Washington Post revealed that the three caveats were brought up before the 2000 campaign — by Al Gore.)
18. "See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." —Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003
17. "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." —State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false
16. "In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard." —repeating the phrases "hard work," "working hard," "hard choices," and other "hard"-based verbiage 22 times in his first debate with Sen. John Kerry
15. "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
14. "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
13. "But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me." —summing up his first year in office, three months after the 9/11 attacks, Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2001
12. "I try to go for longer runs, but it's tough around here at the White House on the outdoor track. It's sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the presidency." —interview with "Runners World," Aug. 2002
11. "Can we win? I don't think you can win it." —after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview, Aug. 30, 2004
10. "I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." —Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002
9. "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." —to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004
8. "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." —speaking underneath a "Mission Accomplished" banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003
7. “We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories … And we'll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them." —Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003
6. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!" —President George W. Bush, joking about his administration's failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents' Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004
5. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." —Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000
4. "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002 (Watch video)
3. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Watch video)
2. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (Watch video)
1. "My answer is bring them on." —on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003
~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

politicalhumor.about.com/library/blgeorgewbushquiz3.htm

[direktor bolnice]

Odrzhavaju se maratoni u masturbiranju 
Izvor je Blic od pre nekoliko dana

Posle San Franciska i Londona, ove godine u maju će Kopenhagen biti domaćin maratona u masturbiranju, čiji je cilj uklanjanje tabua i oslobadanje od predrasuda vezanih za seksualnost, saopštila je organizatorka manifestacije, prenele su agencije.

"Moj cilj je okupljanje muškaraca i žena iz svih krajeva sveta da bismo govorili o masturbiranju, koje predstavlja tabu čak i u liberalnom društvu kakvo je naše, i učestvovali u maratonu koji će doneti uživanje, opuštanje i sopstveno seksualno upoznavanje", izjavila je Pia Struk Madsen, seksolog po zanimanju.
Ona smatra da je masturbiranje pozivtivno, sigurno i predstavlja erotsku alternativu. Ova manifestacija "pomoći će ženama i muškarcima da poboljšaju svoj orgazam i da ponovo otkriju seksualno zadovoljstvo", izjavila je dr Madsen, koja svakog dana u svojoj ordinaciji prima veliki broj parova i pojedinaca sa seksualnim problemima.
Maraton u danskoj prestonici biće održan 31. maja, ali još nije poznato na kom mestu. Učesnici će biti okupljeni u tri prostorije, jedna za žene, jedna za muškarce i jedna za oba pola, u kojima će slobodno moći da raspravljaju i masturbiraju, navela je ona, dodajući da će biti i nekih iznenađenja.
Maraton u Londonu održan je u julu 2006. godine, a pre toga šest godina zaredom održavan je u San Francisku.

[Hrizostom]

a jest chuli za onog pljachkasha shto je lepo opljachko zhenu i onda pobego sa plenom al je morao da stane da polizhe stopala,  i onda su ga uhvatili, mogu da se kladim da mi je obozhavatelj...
ou... prochitala sam opet vest, nije sebi lizao stopala, nego toj zheni...  nishta onda..

[Cvica]

draga rinice, nemoj se razocharavat, imash mene i znam josh na hiljade ljudi koji te obozhavaju, pa secash se kakva se je halabuka stvorila kada si objavila da pishesh knjigu na latinskom jeziku, pa to je bilo divno za gledati, koliku radost si stvorila!

[Nebojsa]

Platite porez krvlju
Poljski poreski organi ponudili su građanima mogućnost plaćanja poreza u naturi, odnosno tako što će davati krv. Dobrovoljnim davaocima poreski računi biće nakon svake donacije umanjeni za 30 funti. Sve što je potrebno jeste da nabave potvrdu iz bolnice o tome koliko su krvi dali i pošalju je poreskim organima. Darijus Grika iz Balistoka kaže: „Do sada sam krv dao samo tri puta, ali već mi se isplatilo.“

ou... prochitala sam opet vest, nije sebi lizao stopala, nego toj zheni...  nishta onda..

[Truman]

Ovo za davanje krvi uopste nije losa ideja.

[debeli dud]

Sodoma i Gomora
Verovali ili ne, rođeni brat i sestra žive u zajednici i imaju četvoro dece

BERLIN - Vrhovni sud u Nemačkoj ovih dana treba da odluči hoće li doneti novi zakon o incestu, to jest o seksualnom odnosu među krvnim srodnicima. Povod za to jeste slučaj brata i sestre koji već imaju četvoro dece.

Incest je u Nemačkoj nezakonit i kažnjiv zatvorskom kaznom. Patrik S. i Suzan K. naizgled su običan par. Međutim, njih dvoje su rođeni brat i sestra. Otkad je Suzan prvi put zatrudnela s njim, nemačke vlasti ih stalno proganjaju. Patrik je odslužio dvogodišnju zatvorsku kaznu, a mogao bi da odsluži i još jednu, ukoliko sud ovog puta ne donese drugačiju odluku.

Brat i sestra se nisu poznavali do njegove 23. godine. Naime, njihovi roditelji su imali petoro dece, a on je bio drugi po redu. Kada je imao tri godine, njegov otac, nasilnik i alkoholičar, napao ga je i pretio mu nožem, pa je poslat u hraniteljsku porodicu. Tek kada je navršio 23 godine, odlučio je da potraži svoju pravu porodicu. Njegova majka se do tada razvela s njegovim ocem i preudala se, a troje braće i sestara je umrlo. Jedina koja je ostala bila je 16-godišnja Suzan. Odnos je u početku bio normalan i platonski, ali se nakon majčine smrti 2000. godine promenio. Godine 2001. Suzan je rodila prvo dete. Socijalna radnica je posumnjala da je otac Suzaninog deteta njen rođeni brat, pa je slučaj prijavila nadležnim službama. Patrik je zaradio jednogodišnju uslovnu kaznu, ali veoma brzo su dobili i drugo dete. Prvo dvoje dece ima lakša telesna i umna oštećenja i oboje su im oduzeti. Treće dete imalo je srčanih problema, ali je nakon operacije ozdravilo. Četvrto dete je rođeno potpuno zdravo. Godine 2004. sazvano je drugo suđenje, na kojem je Suzan bila optužena zato što je u vreme začeća drugog deteta imala 18 godina. Patrik je osuđen na deset meseci zatvora, a Suzan je stavljena pod šestomesečni nadzor socijalne službe. Uložili su žalbu na presudu, ali Patrik je na novom suđenju osuđen na 14 meseci zatvora, a Suzan je ponovno stavljena pod nadzor. Tada jedan iskusni advokat preuzima slučaj, koji je došao pred Vrhovni sud, pa će uskoro biti poznato da li će ovaj par ponovo biti kažnjen.

[Nebojsa]

Dude, ti to zato sto su Nemci?
Ja sam cuo danas za semafor u crkvi u nekom spanskom gradu. Mnogo je veliki protok ljudi pa gradske vlasti resile da instaliraju signalizaciju za regulisanje saobracaja.

[debeli dud]

Tirana: Stravična eksplozija

Tirana -- Strahuje se da je 63 ljudi poginulo ili ozbiljno ranjeno u eksploziji blizu Tirane, izjavila je portparolka albanskog premijera.
Eksplozija u vojnom skladištu Gerdec nadomak Tirane (FoNet)
"Ne znamo tačan broj, ali strahujemo da je moguće ono najgore kada su u pitanju tri tima zaposlenih, od kojih svaki broji po 21 radnika. Oni su u tom trenutku radili u skladištu, a među njima ima i nekoliko američkih državljana", izjavila je portparolka premijera Juelja Mecani.
Agencije, međutim, prenose da se strahuje da je oko 160 ljudi poginulo, ili ozbiljno povređeno u seriji eksplozija u vojnom skladištu severno od Tirane.

@Nebojsa
Nema veze sto su Nemci.

[DramatisPersonae]

Četvrto dete je rođeno potpuno zdravo.

Ma komshije su ti chudo.
hahahaha

[Plodni bizon]

Glas javnosti 22. mart 08
Dobrovoljno razapinjanje na krstove na Filipinima
R e l i g i j s k a   p o s v e ć e n o s t



Više od deset Filipinaca, među kojima i jedan petnaestogodišnjak, danas su u religijskom obredu kojim rimokatolički vernici u toj zemlji obeležava stradanje Isusa Hrista bičevani, a zatim i razapeti na krstove. Dobrovoljna raspeća u severnom delu Filipina su najekstremniji način prikazivanja religijske posvećenosti u ovoj uglavnom katoličkoj zemlji.
U malom selu Kutud, oko 80 kilometara severno od Manile, više muškaraca zapomagalo je sa krstova pošto su im kroz ruke i noge zabodeni ekseri veličine olovke. Katolička crkva se protivi ovakvim obredima pošto smatra da se radi o „pogrešnoj interpretaciji vere“. Poslednjih godina u ovim obredima razapeto je i nekoliko stranaca, uključujući i jednu belgijsku opaticu i jednog Japanca, koji je kasnije dozvolio da se snimci njegovog mučenja iskoriste u jednom pornografskom filmu.
Od 90 miliona Filipinaca, njih oko 80 odsto su katolici.